Empathetic Listening
- Joanne Bekis
- Aug 11, 2021
- 4 min read
Life without Empathy would be a harsh and lonely place, it takes practise, patience and a little time to become an empathetic listener, to be truly responsive to what someone is saying to you, you need to hear their words, understand the words spoken, acknowledge and validate their words, this is what we call active listening or empathetic listening. As humans we all gravitate to each other, family, friends and colleagues, especially when we need a friendly face and a welcoming ear. The need to have someone to reach out to and talk to is really at the forefront of what we need to strive for in this new world. The pandemic has changed our levels of interactivity hugely, reduced physical interactions with family and friends such as hugs and kisses, but in a world that has been stretched beyond belief, many people's emotions are feeling like an overstretched elastic band. What many of us need is empathy and someone to listen to us. So let's look at Sympathy versus Empathy, there is a place for sympathy but by understanding how different they are may make you evaluate your responses to a friend, family member or colleague who is struggling with their mental health and wellbeing.
Sympathy is when you share the feelings of another person, empathy is when you understand the feelings of another but do not necessarily share them, empathy fuels connection and you may need to share your vulnerability at this time. Having understanding and empathy is most important in mental health awareness, if someone is reaching out to you to say, 'hey I'm feeling really low' they do not require your sympathy in a way that you respond 'yeah, ditto I know how you're feeling life is rough hey', this will drive disconnection and may end the conversation right there. Equally a person may not be seeking your pity or feelings of sorrow for them, this could compound anxiety. What a person really needs is an empathetic listener, responding in a more understanding way, afterall, this may be the first time a person has emotionally opened up, they may be fearful of a response, they may be feeling guilt, they may feel emotionally upset. By having someone to listen and hear their most inner thoughts will allow them to feel that sense of relief, expelling their emotional worries out in to the open. So a simple response of support could be 'I'm so pleased you've told me, just know I'm here for you, how long have you been feeling this way'? This response, not only requires them to respond as you've ended it with an open question, but it gives the person a platform to tell you how they are really feeling, giving you insight and valuable knowledge. We do not always need to understand everything, we need to listen and show empathy and ask open questions to allow that person the space and time to talk.
Some tips to becoming a more empathetic listener?
Active listening is an empathetic listener, being a mindful, non-judgemental, hear what they are saying and understand this is how they feel. Listen carefully for subtle signs that may need you to probe deeper into what is making them feel they way they are.
Provide a safe space for that person to talk, make them feel valued, the more they speak and hear themselves the more clarity about their problems and understanding of what resolutions they need to seek will become clearer.
Allow the person to emotionally release the burden of what they are feeling, this will lift any brain fog, do not interrupt a person or talk over them, openly encouragement them to speak.
As an active listener, you are empowering the person speaking to a higher self-esteem, your willingness to listen, hear and acknowledge them will continue to empower them.
Your non verbal language is really important, be attentive, be sure to acknowledge what a person is saying, such as nodding and encouraging them to tell you more, ask open questions, tell me how this makes you feel, what will help you feel better, how long have you felt this way, what can I do to support you?
Create an environmentally safe space, free from disruption, allow them to openly discuss their conflicts and allow them to express what they may need to resolve how they are feeling. Talking through conflicts with empathy and understanding. Ask them if there is anything in the past that has helped them overcome how they are feeling now? This is like a problem solving exercise, but let the person lead the resolution ideas.
Build trust, express that you care, you are listening and their to help support however best you can. Ask if they have anyone close to speak to outside of your conversation, encouraging they seek support from their loved ones.
Sit with the person and immerse yourself in their world, hear them, be attentive and validate their feelings. Empathetic listening means we join that person in the moment of sadness. Ask if they need a hug, sometimes a hug is all we need. But respect their wish if they do not.
Reflect on what is being said and repeat their intentions and actions to help resolve their own concerns, this will reaffirm the person's thought process and help give clarity of your conversation as an empathetic listener.
Empathetic listening is not a natural skill and can be difficult to master, but with practise and active listening you can immediately improve your skills. It is safe to say most of us would rather talk than listen. But we have two ears and one mouth and using them in this order is a quick prompt to remember. A master of empathetic listening will listen twice has hard and respond meaningfully, talking less about themselves and more about the person speaking. When someone emotionally opens up about their wellbeing, stresses or anxieties, this is not the time for a sympathy talk.
Empathetic Listening is all about the other person, so the next time someone tells you how they are feeling, before you embark on a sympathy talk, flick the switch to become an Empathetic Listener, you might just hear something you never thought possible.
This great video from Brene Brown demonstrates the two differences between Sympathy and Empathy lovely and will help you to become a more Empathetic Listener.
Comments